Tears of happiness

Tears of happiness

He knows Pia is awake, still, she refuses to open her eyes. As usual she is waiting for him to call her out. She likes the sound of Prashay's voice when he calls the old familiar nickname. "Good morning, sunshine! It's raining. Wake up." Startled, she opened her eyes. The mention of rains had made her face blush rose with memories,"Our tears of happiness," Pia whispered.

Prashay nodded and went  into the bathroom. He left the door open, as he always does. He knows she will not follow him. Can not do it. But he does not want the curse of reality to fall down between their love. So he sings, hums or whistles as always. He sings one of their favorite songs, while Pia listens,"Tu jaan hai armaan hai," and as always, changes the text to "par *bahot bahot* tu nadaan hai."

She hears as he falters and leave the song incomplete.

She knows that he still loves her and she knows why he can not sing this song. And wish, could redeem him from his pain.

She remembers that night three years ago when they had made a long walk, they had formed their own personal expression for Rains. Like two small children had their bodies wet with rain, laughed, danced, kissed and spent their first night together here in this house. Yes, back then they had first spoken of "tears of happiness." And they were happy.

Very happy. Until that day, when their world came crashing down. Though it was because she had quarrelled, still he is alone to blame. It hurts her, incredibly painful to see how he suffers.

Prashay came back from the bathroom. "I love you ," said Pia, looking him straight in his dark black eyes. Rather than respond, he bends down to her. His soft hands brush off her nightie, awakening the memories of once tenderly passionate moments. He kisses - first on the forehead and eyes. Then, a little hesitant on the lips.

It hurts him to see her like this, when they are alone at home all day long. Every Saturday and Sunday, when they perform these comforting ritual, making her happy.  He bathes her, then they have breakfast together, reads to her and share stories of his work. In the summer they open the balcony door wide, so that she can feel the heat, smell the life out there and listen. And they laugh a lot. She has always loved his laugh. But since that day, they fought and in anger she drove into the ditch, where it all had happened. Since that day his laugh rarely reaches his eyes, the day of the accident.

"Prashay, I love you," she said again, almost breathless now with desire for him. "I know," he said, turning away from her to get his clothes.

Her sight, wounds him, to see something which he loves the most, destroyed with his own hands. Only because of him she is paralysed from the neck down. Only because of him they can never be passionate again. The woman she was, he remembers. "Teri harr zidd ko pura karuga," he used to sing but only once he could listen to her problems and stop her from leaving, nothing would have happened. It is only because of him there is no more intimacy between them than these few moments, these shadows of their former love.

"You know, Prasay, often something in me wants to burst, to get out. Much like thunders in a storm. My body, would like to return to itself just to hold you tight in my arms."

Prashay looks away as tears drop from his eyes. "No, Prashay, please do not! " She cries, her voice trembling. "This debt has to stop. It was me who drove angrily into that ditch. It was me who then refused to wear the seatbelt otherwise nothing might have happened, more than a broken arm ora slight head injury."

"I want you to lie down with me now and say me that you love me. Say that it was not your mistake. It was mine, just mine. You have to forgive yourself and stop carrying this burden in your heart."

Prashay looks down at her - helpless. He knows he can go away, can later come back, cook her something special and hush the subject. But then he sees the asking, the pleading in her eyes, "Let me give you at last, what you wish for. Pia, there you see out of the window, they are our "tears of happiness". Hear them shout loud - Let today be the first day of the rest of your life together, your new love."

As he lies down beside her, he whispers in her ear,"I love you." And they get under a white, soft blanket of peace blocking all disturbing noise from outside. So inside remains, only laughter with tears of happiness.